101 Ways To Bring Back Tanith Low
by Skylair Hernandez
Summary: Was Hairy Fluffy Green Sardines. Is now 101 one-shots about Val's plans to bring back her best friend, Tanith Low, after she was possessed by the Remnant. Will she succeed? Fletchyrie and Ghanith. XD
1. Sisters

**This story was originally "Hairy Fluffy Green Sardines". But I didn't know what to do with it so I've reposted it as this. This is 101 one-shots about Valkyrie Cain's plans to bring back Tanith Low after she was possessed by the Remnant.**

_**1:**_

The old Hibernian cinema stood amongst the newer, healthier looking buildings. As she followed Skulduggery into the memory of great times watching a screen, being told to shut up by annoyed people behind you she came up with an idea, "You know, I'm actually shocked."

"What? You're shocked that you're hurt again?"

"No it's this building."

"What about the building?"

"I'm shocked that it isn't a pensioner."

"What this building, no. Not the building, the building's owner. Do you know how old he is?"

"No, tell me, tell me."

"Well, I can't."

"Aww come on, why not?"

"Because I don't know. Magic slows the ageing process, and if he looks like that. Did you know China is the same age as me?"

"What, you're the same age as China, the country?"

"No, China Sorrows."

"Oh, you could have just said."

"I did!"

"Well you might have, but how am I supposed to know." The tears came suddenly, and quickly. "Aww Valkyrie, please don't cry. I know everything seems to remind you of Tanith but she was your friend, you'll make another friend. It happens."

"My friend! She wasn't just my friend, Skulduggery, she was my sister. I love her."

"Loved." Valkyrie spun on her heel, intending to glare at him and caught her foot on the carpet and tumbled and fell onto one of the musty old chairs that smelt like someone had got a fright and had a little accident. "You fat retard, she's still my sister whether you like it or not."

"She's gone Val, she was a good girl but her life's not hers anymore. Val, she's gone." Valkyrie looked deep into his eye sockets and muttered under her breath, "Not if I can help it."

**Thoughts? I've fixed the spelling and grammar. But I didn't think this chapter had to be changed too much, I liked it. **


	2. A Present

**I'm just rewriting the whole story at once but I'm not going to change these chapters much. I'll fix my spelling and grammar but that's pretty much all.**

_**2:**_

Valkyrie held Fletcher's tight against the cold air that threatened to nibble at her fingers. "Val, you're squishing my fingers." She looked up at him through her fringe,  
>"Sorry, I wish I'd brought my jacket, how was I supposed to know it was snowing." He stared at her in disbelief, "Umm, look out the window?".<br>"Good point."

She stopped walking, turned on her heel and looked at his face with big, wide eyes. "Val, that's a little disconcerting." Her eyes seemed to widen in reply, "Truly disconcerting, now stop it, please."**  
><strong>**"**No."  
>"Why not?"<br>"Can I get an early Christmas present?"  
>"Val Christmas was two months ago."<br>"Birthday present?"  
>"Three months away?"<br>"A present because you're feeling kind."  
>"Val, what exactly do you want?"<br>"Well I had a plan to get Tanith back."  
>"Val, you do know that's not going to be easy?"<br>"I know Fletch but she still cares about me, she said. And if she were to see me in pain then she could be persuaded to let Kenspeckle cure her."  
>"I'm not planning on hurting you Val, what do you want?"<br>"Well... Do you remember when Tanith and Ghastly used to try to, you know-"  
>"No way Val, you're too young, you're not getting."<br>"But I want one!"  
>"You have a little sister, that's not enough?"<br>"No."  
>"Ask me again when you're eighteen."<br>"Sixteen is legally old enough."  
>"No means no Val, I don't want to have this conversation with you."<br>"But babies are cute!"  
>"I'd love to see you change a nappy."<br>"Fine then, come to my parents' house, I change my sisters all the time."  
>"What are you planning on doing if it's a dude?"<br>"It won't be."  
>"How are you so sure?"<br>"I did some research."  
>"That's sick Val."<br>"You can't talk, I seen what you left in the toilet."  
>"Why would you look?"<br>"Well I'm not going to pee on the sofa, am I?"  
>"You probably done a few times when you were small."<br>"Who doesn't?"  
>"Good Point."<br>"And anyway, Fletch, back to the point, am I getting a present? I can change a nappy."  
>"You're going to have to ask Skulduggery first."<br>"This isn't gonna go well."

**Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!**

**Skylair xo**


	3. Something Dirty

_**3:**_

"What was that for?"  
>"What was what for?"<br>You just kissed me for no reason."  
>"I have my reasons."<br>"Were in a cinema, Fletch."  
>"Are we?"<br>"Look, it may be in Ghastly's' living room. Homemade or not, it's still a cinema, movie and all."  
>"Sorry, but it still looks like a living room. The cinemas only in the middle, it's tiny."<br>"That's because it's a movie set, now shut up, it's getting to a good bit."  
>"You've seen it before."<br>"I know, but that was in my parents' living room, my dad just wouldn't shut up. He had just learned  
>to make farting noises under his armpits."<br>"Hey, I can do that, fancy a competition?"  
>"Sure, what does the winner get?"<br>"Hmm, how about a lap dance from the looser?"  
>"You're a bit heavy, but hey, I can make it work."<br>"Cool, check this out." Fletcher made a big burping noise.  
>"Yuck, but still pretty good, for an amateur."<br>"Hey! Show me what you can do, miss perfect."  
>"You can't offend me, but ok." Valkyrie tried to copy what Fletcher had just done, and failed.<br>"Epic failure, failure, failure!"  
>"Oops, I want a rematch, now."<br>"No! I want my lap dance now. Oh, do I get to choose the song?"  
>"Why, no, what song?"<br>"A fast one."  
>"No, you'll choose a song I don't know."<br>"What, you don't know I gotta feelin' by the black eyed peas?"  
>"Does Ghastly even have that song?"<br>"It's on my iPod."  
>"And where is your iPod?"<br>"At the house."  
>"So your stuffed, if you teleport, you take me too."<br>"Ok, I'll choose from Ghastly's crappy 80s things."  
>"Okay dokey." Fletcher got down on his hands and knees and began rummaging in all the cupboards<br>and cabinets. He came back with a dusty old CD that like it had been in a dog's bed for fifty years, not  
>a cabinet full of gay-looking things. "Ooh, what you got?"<br>"American Pie."  
>"Are you serious?"<br>"Yup, it has the name of my favourite food in it."  
>"Ew, I hate that song."<br>"What do you suggest, white Christmas?"  
>"Hell no, I've got black eyed peas on my phone."<br>"What? You so owe me."  
>"Owe you what? I'll give you anything you want."<br>"Anything? Promise?"  
>"Promise."<br>"Cool, take your shirt off."  
>"What!"<br>"And your trousers?"  
>"I'm sorry?"<br>"But you can keep your socks on, I like your socks. Oh right, it's your choice, underwear or a bikini."  
>"Fletch, I don't even have a bikini."<br>"I'm sure there will be an old one of Tanith's upstairs."  
>"But that would be too big and it would just fall off."<br>"Exactly."  
>"What if Ghastly and Skulduggery walk in?"<br>"They won't, I promise."  
>"Prove it."<br>"They said that they were going to the shop to get some stuff for the movie."  
>"How come this movie competition is so important?"<br>"Because Ghastly thinks that it will make Tanith see the full effects of the heartbreak she has left when she went away."  
>"She's still in Ireland Fletch."<br>"I know, but she has changed so much that it's like she has gone away and changed into another person."  
>"Please don't make me cry."<br>"Sorry Val, now do I get my lap dance or not?"  
>"Oh my god, why are you so obsessed with that bloody lap dance?"<br>"Because I'm gonna get it, no matter what."  
>"Oh fine, because it's you, and not anyone else."<br>"And because I'm hot?"  
>"Maybe."<br>"And cu  
>"Partly or let's party?"<br>"Humph, what do you mean by party?"  
>"Isn't dancing associated with parties?"<br>"Shut up already."  
>"Impossible."<br>"True."  
>"Hop on Val."<br>"Ok, can I get a drink first?"  
>"No."<br>"You're mean."  
>"That's not fair, I bought you a present."<br>"What I asked for?"  
>"No."<br>"Can I see it?"  
>"Left it at the house."<br>"Aww."  
>"You know, you're a pretty good dancer."<br>"Why does this song have to be so darn long?"  
>"Just enjoy it Val." She began to relax a bit, and enjoy the moment, but not for long.<br>"Valkyrie, what the hell are you doing!"  
>"Skulduggery!"<br>"Ghastly, what is she doing?"  
>"Something dirty."<p>

**Wow. Eek. This had a LOT of grammar and spelling mistakes! But thanks to Microsoft office, it's been sorted! Thanks for reading! Please review! **

**Skylair xo**


	4. A text

**Oh gods, I haven't updated this in a long time. It's actually quite hard to come up with plans for Val to get Tanith back from the remnant. If you have any ideas please review or PM me! ****  
><strong>_**Chapter 4:**_

Valkyrie drummed her fingers on the seat in front of her to the beat of the song she was humming. The guy in the seat in front of her turned around, "Shut the hell up Stephanie!" She stuck her tongue out at him, but she stopped. She pulled her phone out of her pocket; then she started to compose a text message. She knew it was stupid, Tanith never replied. But she sent it anyway, a message saying "Hi. xx". She cursed her own stupidity and shoved her phone deep into her pocket. She pulled out her iPod and put in her earphones, she put on some classic Bon Jovi and tuned the volume up to drown out the people in the bus.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She looked at her pocket; through her jeans she could see the faint flashing light of her phone. Had Tanith texted back? But Tanith never texts back. She told herself it was probably just Skulduggery or her dad but she couldn't help but hope it was Tanith. She looked around, one or two people were watching her because they had heard her phone beep. She slowly pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the screen. One new message. She opened it, it was from Tanith. "Hey Kid! How's everyone doing? Got any bad guys recently? Xoxo." Valkyrie stared at the screen in disbelief. It was Tanith. Tanith had texted back!

Valkyrie decided to reply. She typed, "Everybody's fine, some grumpier than others but nothing unusual. Well, unusual for us. Yep, a few nights ago we had a battle with a guy with 4 heads! And he could spit flaming lumps of rock! How are you?" She pressed send. Then she waited. Her phone went off again, she hurriedly opened up the message. This time it was Skulduggery, "I'll meet you at the museum. When you see me say hi dad." She frowned at the phone. She replied with. "The teacher knows my dad. And you don't look a thing like him. I'll call you uncle instead."

Her phone went off again as she was half way through texting her new dad. It was Tanith, "You mean Skulduggery? He's not THAT grumpy. Woah, cool! Do you have this guy's number? He could be a hot date. See what I did there! I'm fine. How's Ghastly and Fletcher? Are you and Fletcher still together? xxx" Tanith's text made Valkyrie smile. She replied, "He is very grumpy when he has to let little children into his Bentley. I have his prison number. Good. Ghastly works… a lot. Yes, we are still together. xx"

The bus rolled to a stop and people started filing out. Valkyrie returned her phone to her pocket and turned her iPod off. She followed everybody else out of the coach. To the right of the bus was a huge museum with some old machinery lying outside. And to the left of the bus was a huge black Bentley. It shone in the afternoon sun. Skulduggery stood outside the Bentley with his façade on. He walked over to the tour group. Valkyrie stood near the teacher so he could hear what she said. "Uncle John?"  
>"Stephanie! Why didn't you answer your phone?! I've been worried sick!"<br>"What's going on?"  
>"Your sister fell down the stairs, she's in the hospital. Your mum's still on holiday and your dad's with her now."<p>

Skulduggery went over and spoke to the teacher. He came back and led her to the Bentley. "John! You couldn't think of a better name than John?!"


End file.
